Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the smartest of them all?

Dodging stereotypes at story time...

As I snuggled up with my son for bedtime stories last week, he presented me with his choice of reading material for the night - the Disney version of Snow White, a gift from a family member that he hadn’t shown much interest in until now. My initial relief at the break from reading some of the usual suspects quickly turned to panic as I started to read the words aloud…

“Long ago, there lived a kind princess named Snow White.” 

A classic tale of friendship, love and discovery!

Of course, the princess’ most noteworthy characteristic was that she was kind - eye roll. Maybe it’s not so bad, I reasoned with myself. After all, I’m always trying to explain to my son that being kind is just as important as being strong and fast. I read on…

“Her wicked stepmother, the Queen, feared that some day Snow White’s beauty would outshine her own so she forced the princess to dress in rags and work like a servant.”

Ermmm…

“But nothing could spoil Snow White’s sweet nature.” 

Intervention was needed. 

Luckily, I’ve been reading Virginia Mendez’s fantastic book, Childhood Unlimited, which gave me the simple yet incredibly empowering idea of just changing the words in the story. As she rightly points out, stories help children build a framework through which to understand the world, and when they contain stereotypes like the kind, beautiful princess, the underlying messages are stored away in kids’ brains as evidence about how we should or should not behave. What was the message my son was hearing on just the first page of this story? That being kind and beautiful is the most that women and girls should hope to achieve. That being the most beautiful is something worth killing over, (?!) and that maintaining a ‘sweet nature’ in the face of evil is the proper response for any good girl. 

So as I arrived at the final sentence, I decided to substitute ‘sweet’ for ‘intelligent’ and to see where the story would take me.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the smartest one of all?” asked the Queen in my version. My son didn’t bat an eyelid - I seemed to be getting away with it. The rest of the story felt like a fun improvisation challenge, as I continued to alter the words to suit my feminist agenda. 

“She hoped that some day soon she would meet a prince and fall in love” became “She hoped that some day soon she would save enough money to go to university and study to become a vet” (side note: perhaps I should have chosen a degree that was not a caring role, but in my defence she was surrounded by little animals in the story). The part where she cleaned the dwarfs’ messy house was harder to explain, but I rushed past that and had them cook for her in return in order to restore a bit of balance. 

Of course, I did run into problems when the prince came to save Snow White from her slumber with “love’s first kiss”. In the end, I decided he was whispering encouraging words in her ear about her future career and it inspired her so much that she woke up. 

“Lifting her onto his horse, the Prince led Snow White to her new student accommodation, and wished her luck with her studies. THE END.”

Happily ever after?

Look, I never said I was perfect, but both my son and I enjoyed the updated tale. An alternative, and actually closer to what Mendez recommends, could have been to change the gender of the characters in the story. A looks-crazed King (spending too much time in the manosphere?) trying to kill his sweet-natured, handsome step-son. A brave princess coming in to save the day, and riding off into the sunset with the prince on the back of her horse - sounds more like a story I want to read! 

My son is only four and he takes what I read as gospel, so it’s a really easy way for me to counter stereotypical messaging that comes up before he’s able to read and digest it himself. Since my Snow White success, I’ve tried changing the gender of the characters in a few more books - sometimes just to offer more balance when one gender is over-represented, sometimes to counter stereotypical messaging. Most of the time, my son doesn’t even notice, but sometimes it brings up interesting conversations - “What makes you think that’s a boy?” or “Why wouldn’t a girl be able to do that?”

As he gets older, I’ll try to challenge him to do the same thing himself - playing around with the characters’ gender and unpicking stereotypes when they do arise, but I’m absolutely positive that this is easier said than done. Finding books with a diverse range of characters and which challenge stereotypes will be vital in helping him form an open and balanced worldview as he becomes more aware of the unwritten rules around gender. 

Some books that I’ve enjoyed reading with him for this purpose so far are:

• Julian is a Mermaid - a child exploring gender expression through clothes and hairstyle. 

• Peanut Goes for the Gold - a hamster who does their own thing and excels at rhythmic gymnastics! 

• Little People Big Dreams: RuPaul  - the story of a world famous drag queen.

• Jabari Jumps - a dad helping his son realise it’s ok to feel scared on a trip to the pool. 

• Barbara Throws a Wobbler - exploring anger through the experience of Barbara the cat, showing girls can be angry too. 

• Well Done Mummy Penguin - a baby penguin and its father watch mummy at work!

Of course, books are just one piece in the huge puzzle of information that our kids are exposed to, and making changes to what’s on the bookshelf can’t guarantee a world free from stereotypes. I prefer to see it as one of the tools we can have in our belt; a way to offer options and possibilities to the young people in our lives. Sometimes even the smallest changes can spark conversation or even inspiration to do things differently.

If you have book recommendations, especially for older readers, please let me know in the comments!